Kamikaze Butterfly

kamikaze butterfly

I saw a large, orange seemingly Kamikaze butterfly at the weekend. He was going for it! I looked around for his mate as butterflies often seem to appear in twos but there was none. So he was zooming and swooping extremely low, and having a high old time between a tree overhanging the water and the water itself. I was almost concerned at first but then I noticed the energy, the thrills and the joy! Finally he rested on the tree and basked in the sun, relaxing and taking it all in.

Sun butterfly

And why not? What a life this divine creature has led. He lived half his life as a caterpillar at risk of being eaten by almost anything. He then lived in a cocoon, probably wondering if this was it; the darkness, all there was. Next he had to work really hard push his way out of a tiny hole in the cocoon so that the blood would be forced into his wings, not knowing why he had lived such suffering and it seemed to be getting worse.

But finally he comes out, back into the light and he’s changed – a whole new person. Where once he was heavy, sliding along, dragging himself along the ground and balancing on twigs, now he is weightless and free. He has wings for goodness sake!  And he’s not afraid to use them. The worst is behind him but time is limited; a couple of weeks maybe, so he takes off, in every sense of the word.

If I was a butterfly with or without a mate, I would be living it up too, taking risks, doing exactly what I felt like, going crazy one minute and slowing down the next. He was testing his wings in every sense of the word, oblivious to fear. Will he live long enough for such a beautiful creature? Yes he certainly will. He’s not wasting a moment.

Perhaps we are all butterflies. We start out vulnerable, dark times confuse us, we do what we have to in order to get back to the light and find ourselves stronger and free again. Now you’re here, are you making the most of it? Can you see the butterfly in you? Just look a little closer…

The butterfly in you

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Chasing Butterflies

Defeat strips away false values and makes you realise what you really want. It stops you from chasing butterflies and puts you to work digging gold – William Moulton Marston

I have another confession. I think I let something silly get to me, unless it was the eclipse of the sun playing havoc on our collective consciousness 🙂 . From the high of enjoying rising blog views in the 50s or 60s, now for the last week I barely register over 25 per day and it’s slowly falling. Because I let the numbers bother me I will say I tasted defeat. I temporarily lost my exuberant self. Taking a day off blogging yesterday was perfect. I sat in the morning sun and watched the rainbow lorikeets. I let the slight breeze cool my coffee and the sun kiss my cheeks and I listened to all the bird noises. When I got back from work I didn’t rush to check my computer but picked up 3 books and read each of them for a while. I ‘felt’ my way through Fifty Shades Freed, started (waded through) A Course in Miracles and then moved on to Barbara Sher‘s ‘It’s only too late if you don’t start now‘ which seemed like light reading in comparison. And this is where I found this quote.

Just what I needed to hear! I was writing and digging for gold deep in the ground within me and then got distracted by butterflies – beautiful growing stats, a myriad of countries listed every day on WordPress, amazing new friends. I tried to rein myself in a couple of times and get back to basics, but along came another butterfly and off I’d go, thinking about them and not why I need to write. And so the shiny gold I was finding stopped appearing and the butterflies stopped being attracted because there was nothing left to catch their attention.

So my learning is advancing. Barbara is not saying in this book that you give up your dreams. She is saying that when you stop chasing butterflies – wealth, standing, admiration etc you rediscover who you were, what you really loved as a kid, who you still are, what nourishes your soul and you start digging again. And the results of your labour mean more to you than keeping up with the Joneses. The results may well be the things you strived for in the first place but they won’t come at a cost anymore, because your natural talents come easily. Because they are enjoyable you put in the fun hours and what you thought was a natural lack of discipline doesn’t come into the equation. Rewards come in all forms, internally and externally because you are more engaged, you give out a better energy (I am guessing) and you are authentic.

The authentic me laughs a lot and chokes up at many things including youtube videos, kids hugging, donating to charity, people saying hello and goodbye at the airport. The list is growing. My experience seems vivid compared to many people and the high energy levels grate with some who want me to be more level, calm. But I am calming on the inside and if anything the real me is getting more exuberant on the outside. An eccentric English lady. What a cliché.

1960s Costume 2009

Anyway I digress. My false values are hugging the numbers to myself, using them to tell others who have no interest in my blog, that up to 63 people in exactly 25 different countries have been interested in what I have to say! And what I really want? To finish writing each morning feeling like I have grown just a little and surprised myself with what I found inside. ‘To be more than I thought I could be’ to quote Whitney Houston.