I know nothing so why are you reading? :)

Pink apples

You don’t get good apples from a bad tree – George Repnin

I know the saying ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’ in which the children are assumed to be very like their parents. But I disagree with that one. The ‘sins of the parents’ could be exactly what drives a child to be different in their lives, ‘better’, in the important ways at least.

So by this quote, I am understanding that when your mind is not right, it is not fruitful and the results of your efforts are not good apples.

Do you know how you will behave in a certain situation? Would you be a hero or a coward in a life or death situation, risking everything? I’d like to think I would be the hero. I am impulsive enough and negligent of consequences most times so I don’t see why that would be any different. But who really knows?

I have been mindful of my own behaviours. I would like to think I know myself. I know that when faced with an array of cakes and desserts on offer, I am completely unlikely to avoid them, no matter how strict my ‘diet’.

is that cake

I know that when I am really happy (in love) I eat what I like (think sugar and carbs) and put on weight. When I am bored or discontent with my life, I battle with my conscience and yet still eat all those wickednesses that I have stashed away in my bedroom that I should be avoiding, let alone buying and squirreling away.

long romantic walks to the fridge

I also know that when I am really stressed, the weight falls off ridiculously fast as I lose my appetite and the term ‘comfort food’ suddenly doesn’t apply.

I am seeking clues at the moment to this happiness thing. (All good today, by the way, just deep in thought). I have started a list of what has managed to lift my spirits in the past when I am inexplicably unhappy. This list differs for everyone, in the same way that different diets work for different people. I keep my happiness list on the noticeboard in my bedroom.

When I am a ‘bad’ tree of course, the items on that list don’t seem to work to cheer me up, much as they might have done another time. Things such as tidying or cleaning. Or reading, or doing logic puzzles. In fact the more I sloth with magazines and brain teasers, the worse I feel but am unable to stop. It’s a bit like the child that is abused by the parent goes to that very same parent looking for consolation! Don’t we weave complicated relationships in our lives – with people, food, activities?

Do you know how these relationships function for you? How you are likely to react to events, temptations, people, discord? Do you have a family history of sweeping things under the carpet and continuing cordial relationships as if the ‘abuse’ never happened? That works well in one of my relationships, if you can call it a relationship.

Anyway I digress. My point today is that it really is the quality of your mood that defines how fruitful (in terms of happiness) your day will be. That seems like tautology, if I am using the right term. SO obvious. Your mood defines your happiness, duh Emma. What I mean is that how the tree is being treated, with love and fertiliser, doesn’t always make a difference to how the apples turn out. I certainly don’t blame every parent of a serial killer. And how you treat yourself, doing things you love and look forward to, doesn’t always bear fruit if your tree is bad that day. I think depression is defined by no longer enjoying that which you used to.

So I will keep looking for the fertilisers for my tree. I will resist trying to fell it also. It’s enjoyable and satisfying to my ego to think I am getting somewhere permanent. In fact that’s what gave me the courage to even blog. I figured that I had a lot ‘sorted’. But the wise man knows he knows nothing! And the more you learn, the more you realise you don’t know.

Why did I blog today? No clue. Do I feel I have any wisdom to impart? Not really, only questions to ponder. But that doesn’t matter because

Knowledge can be communicated but not wisdom – Hermann Hesse



6 thoughts on “I know nothing so why are you reading? :)

  1. I like this post. Well obviously since I hit the like button up there. πŸ˜‰ Many thought provoking questions here. I don’t have the answers, since “the more I learn the more I realize I don’t know.” If you find answers, please include them in an upcoming post. I know we can all benefit!

  2. I find that it helps to just accept the rising and falling of the thought stream. It seems that you are experiencing (but not quite realizing!) that trying to manipulate your feelings so that you maintain ‘happiness’ actually doesn’t work! Doesn’t it show you that you are not in control of your thoughts, the moods? Who we actually are is vaster than the mind can contain, and clouds of anguish that arise from places we don’t recognize in ourselves rise up to be expressed. The answer to this is not to continue the pointless exercise of trying to be happy all the time, but to accept that the dark clouds will pass through. All we can do is watch them. When you observe them without criticizing them or trying to remove them or acting out of them, you will experience something else occur. You will realize that you are not the clouds, or the moods. You are something else entirely. Try it Emma. Understand that you do not choose your thoughts. That you cannot change what is occurring in the moment, and that you do not have to act out. See what happens when you accept and simply observe it all.

    Great post, by the way!

    • OK Yaz I will try. For example tonight I feel flat for no reason after a lovely weekend away and falling in love with my boyfriend all over again as I watched him record four amateur songs in his friend’s recording studio. I will watch those pesky thoughts tonight and see how it goes. I just know that I created a lot of my own hurt in the past by ‘wrong thinking’ so I am trying to find the ‘right thinking’ now. I always value your advice most of all. πŸ™‚ Keep it coming!

  3. Dear Joy Isnow
    Here’s something your SHOULD know – me, myself and I are unanimously in love with you ;-*
    M xxxooo

    • Goodness what are you doing in my cyberworld? πŸ™‚ Have you decided to start reading your girlfriend’s blog? Love you too πŸ™‚

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