‘You have a dark cloud that follows you. I see it in the dreams of you. It’s a cloud so black it keeps out all the light. No one can see who you are.’
‘And why is that? Why is this cloud following me?’ Ajay was curious.
‘It is your own darkness. You have no recognition of yourself. Until you see your own reflection, others cannot see you.’
This excerpt is taken from Dumisani’s Gift – a free 84 page ebook written by Yaz Rooney, my favourite blogger, who also happens to be a healer and teacher. You can download it here. Just click on the book which is in the right hand column. Without giving anything away, I highly recommend you take the time to read it. It is beautifully written, compelling and has much to teach (huge understatement); on a subject I usually shy away from. Why it isn’t already in print, selling thousands of copies, I do not know. Yaz knows, but she is wise beyond all wise and feels it was not ‘hers’ to sell, even though the story came ‘through’ her.
I chose this particular excerpt because I have been feeling ‘Needlessly Unhappy’ these past two weeks of my holiday time off work. (Hence no blog posts). It is the exact opposite of my post ‘Needlessly Happy’. While I await the return of my naturally bouncy nature (for I am confident it will soon return, as suddenly as it disappeared) and am reminded by another blogger that ‘it takes courage to be unhappy’, so not to worry, I have been reading which is the best ‘cure’ I know for this unsettled mood.
Perhaps I had too much expectation that this time off, in Summer, would be amazing, and while I have gone through the motions of the things I like to do, and certainly had some fun, a dark cloud is following me and I have not been present enough to really appreciate it, except in very small bursts. I certainly haven’t felt the bliss I was sure that I would, of being able to dig deeper and spend endless amounts of time doing what I love, whatever that may be at any given moment.
Anyway I digress. In this excerpt Nomusa is talking to Ajay about his troubles, I suppose you could call it, though it is she, Nomusa who has picked up on them. Ajay hasn’t told her anything. I particularly like;
‘It is your own darkness…. Until you see your own reflection, others cannot see you’.
Again, I won’t ruin the plot about what it is that others cannot see in Ajay (he is a great man), but for me this is a wonderful life lesson! It is our own darkness. Sometimes, hopefully mostly, we are all happy, confident, full of self love and we see ourselves in that way. Other people will pick up on that and seem to see that in us. They reflect what we see of ourselves, as mirrors of us. We only hear the good stuff, so to speak. But other times we ‘have no recognition of’ ourselves and the cloud descends. It need have nothing to do with how others treat us, for if we are strong inside, they cannot touch us, no matter how loudly they voice their objections. We need to recognise ourselves again.
Maybe the cloud just starts to gather one day, and all the tiny horrid pieces attach themselves to it, unbidden, enlarging and darkening the cloud. Rays of light peek through (by your own attempts to clear it) and keep you going but the cloud remains, heavy. It’s easy to forget that it is not substantial; it’s only water and can dissipate at any moment, if you could only remember what works best. It’s also easy to have no clue why the cloud is there, or what it means. We just feel its presence and have difficulty shaking it.
But the sun will come out again for me, as certainly as it ‘rises’ each day, and I will be there to celebrate when it does.