Chasing Butterflies

Defeat strips away false values and makes you realise what you really want. It stops you from chasing butterflies and puts you to work digging gold – William Moulton Marston

I have another confession. I think I let something silly get to me, unless it was the eclipse of the sun playing havoc on our collective consciousness 🙂 . From the high of enjoying rising blog views in the 50s or 60s, now for the last week I barely register over 25 per day and it’s slowly falling. Because I let the numbers bother me I will say I tasted defeat. I temporarily lost my exuberant self. Taking a day off blogging yesterday was perfect. I sat in the morning sun and watched the rainbow lorikeets. I let the slight breeze cool my coffee and the sun kiss my cheeks and I listened to all the bird noises. When I got back from work I didn’t rush to check my computer but picked up 3 books and read each of them for a while. I ‘felt’ my way through Fifty Shades Freed, started (waded through) A Course in Miracles and then moved on to Barbara Sher‘s ‘It’s only too late if you don’t start now‘ which seemed like light reading in comparison. And this is where I found this quote.

Just what I needed to hear! I was writing and digging for gold deep in the ground within me and then got distracted by butterflies – beautiful growing stats, a myriad of countries listed every day on WordPress, amazing new friends. I tried to rein myself in a couple of times and get back to basics, but along came another butterfly and off I’d go, thinking about them and not why I need to write. And so the shiny gold I was finding stopped appearing and the butterflies stopped being attracted because there was nothing left to catch their attention.

So my learning is advancing. Barbara is not saying in this book that you give up your dreams. She is saying that when you stop chasing butterflies – wealth, standing, admiration etc you rediscover who you were, what you really loved as a kid, who you still are, what nourishes your soul and you start digging again. And the results of your labour mean more to you than keeping up with the Joneses. The results may well be the things you strived for in the first place but they won’t come at a cost anymore, because your natural talents come easily. Because they are enjoyable you put in the fun hours and what you thought was a natural lack of discipline doesn’t come into the equation. Rewards come in all forms, internally and externally because you are more engaged, you give out a better energy (I am guessing) and you are authentic.

The authentic me laughs a lot and chokes up at many things including youtube videos, kids hugging, donating to charity, people saying hello and goodbye at the airport. The list is growing. My experience seems vivid compared to many people and the high energy levels grate with some who want me to be more level, calm. But I am calming on the inside and if anything the real me is getting more exuberant on the outside. An eccentric English lady. What a cliché.

1960s Costume 2009

Anyway I digress. My false values are hugging the numbers to myself, using them to tell others who have no interest in my blog, that up to 63 people in exactly 25 different countries have been interested in what I have to say! And what I really want? To finish writing each morning feeling like I have grown just a little and surprised myself with what I found inside. ‘To be more than I thought I could be’ to quote Whitney Houston.

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4 thoughts on “Chasing Butterflies

  1. Great photos! To keep perspective and deny the ego its game,Emma, its good to remember that though it feels like you think up your subject, it is really the greater collective (True Self) feeding you. What comes to your mind when your write is for you AND for those drawn to read a page that you’ve written. We are all part of a social chain in which we feed each other love, encouragement, information, and whatever else…and we shouldn’t forget that. When we write for ourselves, we write for others too. We NEED each other. Part of our spiritual growth is about reconnecting with each other, we have to break down the idea of separation that we cling to. When you write Emma, you prod people, wake them up a little, shake their cozy little world. Its not just for you, because you ARE ALL OF US in reality. Someone succinctly said recently that Life is like a tower block…you look at a building and see all the windows…the windows each represent an individual and the space within the ONE SOUL of the universe. When the stats are low, it means that today, only 25 needed to read. When they are high, more of us needed a message, but sometimes the numbers mean something else. You’re not in control of any of it, even if it feels like you are.

    I hope this helps to adjust your perspective Emma and ease your ‘guilt’ about caring who is reading. You SHOULD care. But don’t imagine it’s you doing it all. That’s where the ego thingy comes in. Something deeply profound is occurring through you and THAT is why you check. It feels so beautiful to feel the universe flow through us with our art.

    Lots of love to you Emma. You look skinny to me. Why do you think you’re fat?

    • That is the perfect answer. The ego thingy got in the way. It reminds me of Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED talk about how ‘genius’ comes through people. They have not are a genius. Thanks always for your help and support. You are the diamond hidden among among the gold. Em xx PS those photos are a couple of years old. 8 Kg to lose to get back to that if I decide it’s worth it.

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