Waves

Where did everybody go? Where did I go? There seems to be a huge lull in the number of blog posts from my favourite bloggers which I receive and read these days. Instead my incoming emails are outnumbered by special offers for teeth whitening and holidays, meals and gadgets. Of course I long since stopped receiving ‘letters’ from friends by email, probably because I don’t write any either.

Anyway I digress. I do know where I am though. I am on a wave. I am always on a wave. My current wave has me doing useful jobs around the house, accomplishing and achieving. Very satisfying. My last wave had me writing blogs almost every day and thinking more deeply. Very satisfying. My current wave has me buying myself treats like cappuccino ice-cream, Chai Latte and chocolate; perhaps feeding up as the cold weather sets in, here in Sydney. Very satisfying. My last wave had me ‘Blogging Myself Thin’ until I lost the 7 Kg of excess weight, gained from the last wave of little treats. Very satisfying. Anyway you get the picture. Life can be immensely satisfying in the little day to day stuff as long as you forget the mirror image – for example I could describe these lovely waves quite differently. I could say I have ‘writers’ block’, I am putting on weight, I am not socialising enough. Pah!! That is not how I see it. I hurry past such thoughts if they drift in.

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy people! The wave is bigger than you, lifting you up and sweeping you along, always keeping your head above the water and moving forward. When it reaches shore and lets you go, you will be drawn back and lifted onto another wave. That’s just how it works.  The turmoil and froth at the end which caused you to exit this wave is just a necessary part of starting over, waking you up, ready to ride the next wave. I look forward to your return to blogging, should you find yourself ready again and am happy for you that your current wave is so enjoyable that you don’t feel the need to share, or pour out your soul, but just to live life. I will be waiting….

Yin and Yang

I haven’t blogged for a while as my energy seems to have gone into doing up my home. I have heard of the concept of masculine and feminine energy and I wonder which is the more masculine – writing blogs or using power tools! I tend to reject the outside world, including my boyfriend, when I have this huge energy for getting things done so my renovating is a masculine pursuit for me. But what is writing? If feminine energy is being sensual, loving, yearning and preparing for someone else then I would assume that writing is a masculine pursuit.

What constitutes feminine energy? Some people are quiet and softly spoken, good listeners, gentle souls. That’s easy to spot. I look the part, wearing mostly dresses, my long carefully curled hair, make up and love of pink and anything girly but I have a lot of energy (and calloused hands) which surprises people. Sometimes I just want to get things done, so everyone else can bugger off and did I mention that I swear (a lot on a bad day)? I get impatient with pfaffing around, wonder why people don’t just get on with things sometimes and probably come across as aggressive at times.

I actually had a quote about gluttony to write about today but I am so off track I give up on that one for now The ultimate digress!

Anyway back to today’s digress. My probably very sexist comments here are just ramblings – exploring out loud, which is why I took to blogging in the first place – a journey not to teach but to discover.

And of what use is today’s outburst to you, the reader if you have gotten this far? I think this has been a reminder to me to become more balanced. I must remember to use all sides of my persona and not head down a masculine path like a woman possessed. Living alone with my kids and not seeing my partner very often (he is another independent creative) has allowed me to indulge my selfish side, which often involves getting things done. But once I am on this ‘kick’ I find it hard to stop. It was Mother’s Day yesterday and I spent the whole day physically working on the home and garden. But I had the best day! And what does it take to commute this energy back to blogging? I committed to myself to at least try today and it’s been hard. This post has been rewritten so many times. I am all over the shop. No beginning, middle or end; no satisfactory conclusion (yet?)

OK here’s the moral of my story. May you remember today to stop and become aware of where you are at – achieving at the expense of human relations, or indulging in love and friendship while the things you should be doing remain neglected and are slowly building up into crisis mode. May your energies be balanced and harmony be restored.

 

I Had It All Backwards (as usual)

Just when you think you are on your way, you are almost smug, you think you have a handle on this thing called life and wayward emotions, something happens, the penny drops and you realise you are barely there after all.

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.”
-William Shakespeare

I go for a run each morning and the first 800 metres is along a narrow street where you basically have to park to let another car through. It means I have to park myself and break my ‘stride’ in order to let each car pass. I have this silly thing where I watch intently to see if they will thank me for anticipating their passing, and taking myself off the road (there are no footpaths as it’s on a steep hill). Anything would do, a wave, a nod, a smile. Just any recognition that I had given them a little gift and not made them slow down on their way to work.

When I would detect no trace, I would walk back onto the road and give them the finger behind my back at waist level. Hah! That showed them!! As if they would even see it in such an odd place or know what it was!

Then I realised I had it all backwards, yet again. My joy is in doing a good deed, even if no one notices; in my own opinion of myself. And their joy would be in thanking me, if they did so. The ones that don’t acknowledge it are either in their own little world, perhaps late for work (more reason to get off the road), don’t realise that I got out of their way on purpose or are just not appreciative people. So their little joy is lost to them.

Now I can look into the faces of those in the cars I have stopped for and give them the warmest smiles, come what may. My run just got easier!

 

Are you a Sparkler or a Log?

I am sure you know what I’m talking about. We’re alive so we have a fire in us that is burning until such time as it goes out. We have energy, in fact we are energy of course. How you use that energy as you live is up to you.

I like to think I’m a sparkler. Enthusiastic, impulsive; I just LOVE life! … Until I don’t and I’m all flat again for a short while. Some people are logs. It might take them a while to ignite but once they do, they just keep on humming along, warm and cosy, glowing and reliable until the end.

So how do you cope if you are a sparkler? Life can be full on amazing; explosive even. When you’ve burned out, as you surely must at some point until the next time, what do you have left?

Now if you were one of these desserts, your loved ones wouldn’t be left looking at a burned out sparkler each time your latest interest extinguishes itself. They would be left with what they know and love, someone inviting, comforting, sweet, wonderful; however else you would like to describe this confection.

So it’s OK to be you. I’ts OK to be up and down, be labelled bipolar perhaps, get enthusiastic but not follow through to something more meaningful or money making. The joy was in the sparkle and the sparkle is always to be appreciated, no matter how short. You know what is left inside you to hold the sparkle. Hold it firmly in your hands and never let it go. The intensity is just one tiny aspect of your personality that people will either be drawn to or avoid. Let them go. We can’t hang on to everyone we come across in life and each interaction is meaningful, no matter how short.

And if you are a log? I applaud you and I envy you in some ways. Your interests will develop as you stick with them and be applauded and recognised. You are glowing, reliable, quietly burning and making the world a warmer place for everyone with your consistency.

There’s room for us all people. And thank goodness for that.

 

Le Tweak, C’est Chic!

We must rediscover the distinction between hope and expectation – Ivan Illich

Yes, I know it’s a big ask to marry up the attention grabbing title (you’re curious and reading aren’t you?) and this quote from the masters. What could they possibly have in common?

I have been away from blogging for a few days because I discovered on Pinterest a board called Tips (one of many no doubt) and magically if you click on any website named at the bottom of the image, it takes you directly to the actual information. I am sure everyone knew that but I assumed it would take you to the website mentioned and then you would have Buckley’s chance of finding the solution promised. Wrong. And there went even more hours of my life.

So for the last few days I have been tweaking my life, my home and my body. I have had fun tweaking my saucepan lids into submission, making homemade make up remover wipes, repairing reading glasses and generally improving my life in a myriad of ways. (Plus I fixed two leaking loos for 75c and 60c respectively, YAY!)

But here’s where the quote comes in. I hope these tips and instructions will actually work. I hope my life will be all the better for having discovered them and having spent so much time on them. I hope I will have the answers to all my small problems in life if I just keep looking. But do I expect everything will turn out perfectly? Do I expect they will all work, my time is being wisely spent and I will become this superwoman/goddess of beauty and domesticity eventually? Not really.

I will continue though because the fun is in the tweaking. Small victories, new ideas, opening yourself up to a chance of improvement. That’s where the excitement is. I never know what I am going to improve next. We all tweak I am sure. Being totally sexist here, do guys tweak their cars to run better, or tweak their weight training for that extra bit of muscle? Don’t we tweak our recipes to make them exactly how we like? Tweaking is fun! It says I have ideas or knowledge, I am original, I can improve things and change my life for the better. I can get a small part of my life organised even while the rest may be going to sh… I am in charge, I am in control and things are only getting better while I focus on making them so.

So do we expect life will bed a bed of roses until we leave this mortal coil? You can’t tweak a loss, or a car accident or a major life event. We can only tweak how we react to them. Take a deep breath, perhaps. Repeat “it’s only money, only a number on my bank statement” or whatever else may calm you in certain situations. How about ‘this too shall pass’ or ‘when one door closes…’?

Anyway I will tweak away, enjoy my journey of discovery, my small victories and improvements, the good feeling of hoping I am in control of something, anything, while I expect that I am probably not the master of anything at all. But who cares? Today I am merry, the best there is.

And if you now have the song in your head from which I so blatantly borrowed the title, I apologise but go dance!

 

Kamikaze Butterfly

I saw a large, orange seemingly Kamikaze butterfly at the weekend. He was going for it! I looked around for his mate as butterflies often seem to appear in twos but there was none. So he was zooming and swooping extremely low, and having a high old time between a tree overhanging the water and the water itself. I was almost concerned at first but then I noticed the energy, the thrills and the joy! Finally he rested on the tree and basked in the sun, relaxing and taking it all in.

And why not? What a life this divine creature has led. He lived half his life as a caterpillar at risk of being eaten by almost anything. He then lived in a cocoon, probably wondering if this was it; the darkness, all there was. Next he had to work really hard push his way out of a tiny hole in the cocoon so that the blood would be forced into his wings, not knowing why he had lived such suffering and it seemed to be getting worse.

But finally he comes out, back into the light and he’s changed – a whole new person. Where once he was heavy, sliding along, dragging himself along the ground and balancing on twigs, now he is weightless and free. He has wings for goodness sake!  And he’s not afraid to use them. The worst is behind him but time is limited; a couple of weeks maybe, so he takes off, in every sense of the word.

If I was a butterfly with or without a mate, I would be living it up too, taking risks, doing exactly what I felt like, going crazy one minute and slowing down the next. He was testing his wings in every sense of the word, oblivious to fear. Will he live long enough for such a beautiful creature? Yes he certainly will. He’s not wasting a moment.

Perhaps we are all butterflies. We start out vulnerable, dark times confuse us, we do what we have to in order to get back to the light and find ourselves stronger and free again. Now you’re here, are you making the most of it? Can you see the butterfly in you? Just look a little closer…

I bet you think the best is yet to come?

I wrote this on a comment yesterday (Hello Papabear) and it got me thinking. Maybe I have a spring in my step because I have always believed that the best is yet to come. I will keep searching and hoping until I die, that there is more fun and excitement to be had. You are never too old to learn new tricks! I know people who seem to think the best is behind them, their dreams are forgotten, their bodies are failing and they are making do with what’s left. I’ve tried but can’t change their thinking and nor should I probably, as there must be a payoff for them in thinking this way.

But think what’s ahead of us? New forms of entertainment that we can only dream about, that haven’t been invented yet (and jobs and sports and gadgets). Thanks to mankind being a damn creative lot and being generous and wanting, no needing to share, there will always be something new. And most of time it’s free too, if you have a computer and realise that what’s in your head is the most important thing. Material things are only there to create good thoughts and feelings in your head ultimately, anyway.

I still dream of having five star holidays again, and exquisite meals and gatherings with friends in picturesque places and restaurants, of living for a few months at a time in different countries and meeting like minded souls and connecting blooming everywhere I go. But even if this is only a dream, we still have the joy of changing seasons,

anticipation for what’s to come, understanding and aha moments as life unfolds, being there for our loved ones, hilarious YouTube clips, unlimited knowledge on the internet on any obscure interest that takes our fancy, amazing people to meet who have something to teach us at the right time, groups of people with interests to join as long as it suits us and we have that in common. I could go on. How could the best NOT be yet to come?

Of course I am still training myself to be aware of the Now and generally more aware, instead of off with the fairies doing my perfectionist, to the best of my ability thing, so I can appreciate that I have already experienced the amazing and bountiful in people, things and experiences.

But it’s not over till it’s over and I can get excited now about what’s to come as when it does, I am ready to appreciate it all. That’s my journey.

May your day be filled with gratitude for what’s here, anticipation for what will be and appreciation of the now!

PS Click this link below to see some beautiful smiley photos. I have been smiling for the last ten minutes trying to pick the best but they are so contagious!

http://pinterest.com/TariPins/i-like-big-smiles-and-i-cannot-lie/